Any one a psychiatrist, need some help please?

Do you think you're having symptoms of Intermittent Explosive Disorder? PTSD? Reading your post leaves me with lots of questions, but it's just not appropriate to ask them in this format. Please see someone for a face to face evaluation as soon as possible. Take action before you do something to mess up all that you have accomplished. Be very honest about your fantasies and if they include , you need to tell the person doing the evaluation. You may need a referral to a specialist. I really don't know what the mental health system in your country is like.